Just living

Am I living or am I just going through the motions to what seems some semblance of a life. Living in my own home it's different and I've been doing it for some while now but there's still something missing. Maybe it the daily struggle which you get used to when your living on the streets or maybe it's being with people who are just like you who have nothing and don't pretend to have. Maybe its hearing those different voices day in day out but whatever it is, living on your own in your own flat it is very different. Take me for instance for many years I lived on and off the streets sometimes in prison, Sometimes in swats and sometimes in hostels who by the way always seemed to come up with Mr McCoy you haven't paid any rent so you will have to leave. Being a drug addict causes these lapses in ones memory and getting high everyday does that. The fact is drug came first before rent, food, cloths or family but those days are gone. Now it's just me and my inner voice trying to be the best that I can be and believe me when I say that's not hard as everyday used to be what can I get today but these days I'm into the quiet life but every now and then I will spend a few days out there on the streets or get blind o drunk at home and that's not hard for me as I hate drink but I am still asking the question is this living or just going through the motions.
Maybe I'll wake up and find out it's all been a dream and I'm really only 20 and it's all been a nightmare or maybe this is hell and I really died years ago and this is my punishment because Gordon Brown really being the prime minister only the devil could have come up with that one.

I called this recycling

My father who taught me the tricks of the trade and when I got older
Two kids and a wife who constantly moaned was how I was paid
So I recycled the wife for someone to keep
But alas no came
So I killed her and buried her deep
Now I’m not one to bear grudges
Well, not for awhile
You got to admit I do things in style
Now my kids are now all grown and all have left home
But now I’m haunted by all the things that I've done
And the ghost of my wife who nags me and annoys me for fun
So it would have been best If I’d not laid her to rest
Now the thing is
I strongly believe divorce would have been best
So if you’re thinking about getting rid of you’re wife
Don’t do what I did it could ruin your life.
Now this is a tale of a love that did fail
But just in case you are tempted like me
There are much better ways to set yourself free.
Recycle its less hassle and much better fun.


I wrote this at Christmas but since then it's changed quite a bit but putting fun into something tragic was at one time hard for me as most of my life has been either on the streets a drug user or struggling to survive the pit falls of life living rough.

Do I believe?

Do I believe everything the government says or what Gordon Brown or David Cameron hinted at. So far this year all I have heard is the blame game but if you look at things and weigh them up in your mind sensible people will come to sensible conclusions.
The next general election is just round the corner. Right at this minute it looks like a conservative win but wait lets look back and see what happened last time a conservative government lead us. Strikes, oh they banned them, poverty? it rose, houses where built? Not exactly the ones we already had were sold off and of course we went to war in the Falklands. Lets not forget history was made we had the first woman president, sorry prime minister. So what does this tell me? Well lets see this government bailed out the banks to the tune of billions but was it their doing in the first place that lead to the banks failing? Oh yes they sold our gold reserves at a loss. Oh and over the next ten to twenty years we will be paying more tax and enough much needed housing won't be built. Unemployment will rise even further. Poverty will still be around. Tomorrow I will hear MPs saying vote for me things will change but on a good note homeless people can vote

Not saying much

These days are rather quiet and peaceful for me but I have just spent a few days sleeping rough like I did in the old days but this time it had a purpose. I wanted to see how hard it has become to survive here in London now street services have been dramatically reduce. These days its hard enough to stay in the flats or houses we already have and with the government slow to build social housing I wanted to find out have new rules on benefits made it harder for homeless people to survive on the streets. There does seem to be a growth in homelessness but every summer London sees an influx of people from other parts of the country. What I did notice was lots of new young faces and some old faces back on the streets after being taken off the streets. I have to admit sleeping rough was a bit hard for me as I have become used to my bed and being able to watch tv when I wanted and of course having my coffee and doughnuts.
The thing that did stand out was that homeless people are really struggling to survive and as the government tighten its grip on the welfare state. I have begun to wonder if we are taking giant steps backward and have another underworld of vice showing its ugly head. The fact is as the government try to reduce its spending and tighten its belt people are going to suffer and it does seem to me that it's the people that really need the help that are going to suffer most.