04 April, 2006

Just thinking about me and the future

After five years of being normal I am beginning to wonder what kind of a life I am really living. I seem to have hit a patch in my life which leaves me desiring more than I have. There are so many people to thank over the last few years who have helped me no end and there are couple who I have to say goodbye to because it's now time for me to move on because I lead another kind of life now. I have a girlfriend who I see from time to time. I am always out and about these days. I work hard and play hard. Which is different. Everyone knows who I was and what I am now. My past is my past and I can't change it. What's sad are the people that are now slagging me off because I have a life of my own and want to lead it making my own decisions. Too many times I have let what people say really get to me. Not anymore.
My friend Alan is an alcoholic yet he has helped me get through some hard times and I rarely see him these days because I am leading a normal sort of life. The last time we talked it wasn't so friendly because he's drinking again after being sober for a couple of months. As usual he rants on and on until I politely tell him to shut up or f---off. After four years I have had to say enough is enough.
Leaving people I know behind is sad. Yet I know it's the right thing to do. I set my sights on helping people who are in the same situation as I was and I don't see how I can do that if I still have ties to my old life. I was once told you can only help the ones that want to be helped. I now am beginning to believe that no matter how much you try to help someone you won't until they ask for help.

1 comment:

womble said...

There's a quote from a Shakespeare play "What's past is prologue". I think it means that your previous life is what got you to where you are now. It is a shame to leave friends behind but it may well be better for both of you. Alan might even see why.

Glad you're back, thought something had happened.