18 December, 2005

A sad bad week but a lesson learned

Having a really bad week is not the best thing in the world but when things sometimes mount up and up. You don't realize just how much until you have a what's it's all been for week. My week started off really great. Then on Thursday morning things just went from bad to worse. Firstly I lost a plastic bag containing money which didn't belong to me and my camera. I spent nearly half a day retracing my steps with no luck. I even accused a couple of people of stealing it. Which I now know to be true but proving it is another thing. I was so mad but mostly angry with myself for not being more careful. Then yesterday I got the shock of my life as I was sitting on my sofa. My front window got broken once again by drunken yobs waiting at the bus stop. They are always throwing bottles and stuff at each other. One day they are going to hurt someone.
So you can imagine how I had been feeling without this happening as well. Still Thursday night when I had to tell my friends that I'd lost their money that was the hardest thing I have had to do. Funny thing is I didn't need to as I don't think she would have known until much later on say after christmas but I thought that being honest was best as the trust that people put in me is something I have never had before and letting them down just wasn't on the cards. It still left me feeling funny and confused. I spent Friday sort of hiding from people because I felt so guilty. I was in my own world thinking if I'd only have not left my bag and gone to make a cup of tea. If only I'd not done this or that but it's just like every mistake you ever make you start to say if only. It took my windows being broken to break me out of the grim mood I was in. To be honest I had begun that train of thought that can sometimes drive addicts back to their addiction.I started to think, why were things happening to me? Maybe all this wasn't meant to be? Now I know how some people feel when things go so badly wrong and how hard it is to get back up and continue to do the right thing. So it's been a sad week for me and a depressing one but I can say this has been one more lesson of life.


womble said...

Jamie, please try to remember all the good things that have happened to you in recent times, too. You have so much strength and insight. It's a shame that you know who stole from you. We can only hope that they feel some guilt. Or perhaps not. Some lessons are painful but they are lessons all the same and we gain from them.

Here's hoping this week and next year are much better for you.

Miguel said...

I also had a terrible week, nothing that I did wrong, just a terrible angst all the times, missing 'my' street kids.

But the sun will shine tomorrow...

...and if it doesn't then we will nothing to worry about :)