Locked out

Well it had to happen sooner or later. I forgot my keys and locked myself out of my house. Trying to get in I fell and hurt my leg and head maybe knocked some sense in? I will find out later in the day. Then if that wasn't bad enough police came and accused me of breaking and entering. They told me someone had phoned and told them a suspicious character was trying to get into a flat across the road. So I told them what had happened and they burst out laughing and said I was just plain unlucky. Finally I got in this morning thanks to neighbor's. I was having a cup of tea a minute ago and the bloody handle came away from the cup and I have sort of got red hot private parts. I dread to think of what's in store for me later on today as it's only ten o'clock in the morning. Should I put up signs saying beware Jamie's about? I am having these uneasy feeling and I am beginning to think I'm not normal as something is always happening to me.