03 October, 2005

Just lucky.

People ask me how I quit drugs and came off the streets. All I can say is I am one of the lucky ones. Many make it to the point that they get off the streets into work and for some reason their inbuilt self destruct just engages and within a few weeks they are back to square one. I believe I am just plain old fashioned lucky. I had a mad half hour on Blackfiars bridge in London. Threw my bag of heroin in the Thames on a whim and haven't touch since then and believe me when I tell you I have had more free offers of drugs from pushers than I brought when I was using.
The reason why I say I was lucky is I seems to be in the right places at the right time. Take for instance that first day it was a woman volunteer from the homeless charity crisis that picked me up and took me to my first crisis open Christmas. that's how lucky I have been. I have met wonderful people who had faith in me. They gave me the chance to go to college. I have made quite a few real friends but the most important thing they did for me was to let me make my own choices which is part of everyone's make up. Some choices we make are mistakes and sometimes we don't learn from the first one. But having that choice and understanding my choices is what I think made all the difference. It made me. me.
Should I keep taking drugs?
Should I learn to read and write?
Should I just live normally?
All easy choices for most people but for some really really difficult. We live in a world where everything seems to be cycles rain falls the sun dries it up. Then it falls again. Night always follows day and day always follows night. A drug addicts life is no different to any one else's really. He gets up scores becomes normal or high goes to sleep. Wakes up and it's a day repeated. But the difference is after a while the addict doesn't know that the drug has taken over and now it's needed for them to be normal. There is no choice anymore. The funniest thing about being an addict if hard bloody work getting the money everyday to score. You wouldn't believe some of the ideas an addict comes up with but that's another story. I have had a lot of luck to get where I am now. Will I ever go backwards I can say without a doubt no. I love my life now and I likebeing me and that feeling of being alive and knowing I am not as stupid as I thought I was.

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