15 November, 2005
Monday morning blues
I guess I can tell the world I am normal at last. Whatever normal means. This morning I did not wake up to the joyous sound of the number 53 bus passing my window. I woke up in a foul mood for the first time in ages. Then if that wasn't enough I had to shave and believe me I hate shaving. You can guarantee I will have blood poring from my chin. The thing is I have been under an illusion that because of my past history with drugs and being homeless. I am not quite normal and I have been striving for God knows what. Every time I reach a goal I set myself there's another to take it's place. I seem to make just living life hard work most of the time these days. Would I change the way I am ? Would I hell. I think when you get to liking yourself and other people you are near enough to being human as you can be. That's a strange thing for me to say as I have never felt part of anything let alone the human race. I think that was due to being a second class citizen and no one noticing that I was alive especially me. Being alive inside, it's Something I have not felt in a long time. So if every Monday I wake up and I have those Monday blues I can actually say they are a blessing in disguise because rather than make me miserable as they do most people. They make me tired and lethargic for about half an hour. Then like a coat I just take it off and get back to being me.